No dilly-dallying here; we're going to jump right into this one!
1. After stepping over the ocean to arrive in Lanka, Hanuman shrinks down to a minuscule size (obviously by eating a potion reading "Drink me!"). He finds Sita in Ravana's favorite retreat. Again, why they didn't look there first, I really have no idea.
2. Sita actually manages to impress me a little here; she's sitting unkempt on the ground in the middle of a bunch of demon women, challenging them as they menace her and spurning all of Ravana's advances no matter what he offers or threatens her with. Yay, girl power, and all that stuff!
3. Then Sita automatically loses all the moxie I just gave her when she cries for Rama and plots her own death by hanging. Luckily Hanuman chooses this moment to tell her that he is there and Rama will come soon to rescue her.
4. Hanuman eats some more cake, and once gigantic he destroys select parts of Lanka. Why he doesn't just save Sita then and there and be done with it, who knows.
5. Ravana and his council debate whether to attack Rama and the monkey horde or let them come to Lanka. For a brief sentence someone mentions peace, but that notion is quickly thrown aside; what else did you expect from a bunch of demons?
6. Ravana's brother speaks of simply returning Sita to Rama and not pressing their luck. But of course, what does Ravana have to worry about when facing measly humans? Oh, hubris, you strike again!
7. The smart brother abandons Ravana and seeks asylum from Rama. But of course--even though his brother is an evil demon overlord--turning on your own brother is untrustworthy. Totally makes sense. Luckily, out of everyone Hanuman and Rama think it only honorable to give him asylum. Points for them there.
8. Rama gets unjustly enraged by the sea for not parting (if only he were Moses!). The monkeys and squirrels and men rolled pebbles and rocks to the sea to form a bridge. Yes, bridge-building is so easy a squirrel can do it.
9. Ravana inexorably begins to lose his kingdom bit by bit. He's given one last chance to cede Sita to Rama and decides instead to try to kill the messenger, only to have one of the towers kicked off of his palace. And now more than ever these monkeys are going to star in my nightmares.
10. Fun fact: eagles are the born enemies of serpents. They can even counteract magic serpent darts just with their presence. Now to see how I can use this to become impervious to snake venom. . .
11. Lakshmana faints upon encountering Ravana (where'd all his anger and indignation go?) while Rama deems it necessary to ride Hanuman into battle. Again, totally normal. At least Rama kicks butt; it kind of justifies his odd style of combat.
12. Ravana's slumberous brother Kumbakarma is roused and causes havoc, eating thousands of the monkey horde. In fact, Rama actually has to step in and help. Poor guy, having to work to save his wife! Too bad the monkeys can't do all the work for him.
13. Ravana's son Indrajit makes a fake Sita and kills her before the monkeys. 'Cause that's what I'd do if I were about to lose the Trojan War. Just kill Helen; that'll solve everything.
14. Rama rides into the final battle against Ravana on Indra's chariot. Rama pulls some serious Robin Hood-type archery tricks. Ravana winces, which is apparently a major feat and so extremely heartening. Ravana attempts to use Maya (aka illusion) to confuse Rama; he inevitably fails when Rama invokes Gnana (aka perception). More weapons and counter-weapons are shot.
15. Ravana turns out to be a bit of a hydra. He faints. Rama waits for him to rouse. Stupid battlefield honors. Just kill him already! (I swear, I'm not bloodthirsty; just impatient.)
16. Rama uses the Brahmasthra on Ravana's heart and that's the end of the battle and the war. Ravana somehow becomes a pristine and devout being. Apparently everyone is redeemable, so I guess there's hope for me after all.
17. After everything, Hanuman is the one to fetch Sita to Rama. I guess it's his second chance, since the first chance wasn't enough. Rama tells Sita he cannot acceept her back since she resided alone in Rama's palace (*place choice words here*). She demands to be tested for purity by the fire. She survives her self-immolation, the lucky devil. And--whereas I would've told him to go to hell since he didn't trust me in the first place--Sita and Rama hug and do all sorts of happy marriage things I assume.
18. Rama and Sita learn their true identities from the gods. Rama is ordered to appear at Ayodhya by the next night to make his coronation. Regardless of the tight schedule, Rama decides to take Sita sightseeing on the trip back. Why not. It's not like a deadline for a coronation is that important to meet.
19. And so all sorts of celebrations and happy reunions occur in Ayodhya and Rama is crowned as emperor. Sita sits at his side and Lakshmana and Hanuman live to serve him.
20. The End!
Now, if I had actual, ardent blog followers, I would request that you comment to tell me which style of reading diary you would prefer I continue on with: the more detailed plot summary with the occasional thought, or the more basic list of events with an abundance of sarcasm. If anyone has an opinion, speak now or forever hold your peace! And until next time, namaste.
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